My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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