there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
