i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
