the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
