Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
