He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
