guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
