I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
