She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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