Tell her she can't have a vagina
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He better not be in your backpack
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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