the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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