I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Randomize
