New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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