I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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