In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
