omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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