make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
