Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
