dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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