her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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