Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
