He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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