in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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