just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
