I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
