Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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