tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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