So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
