ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
