Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
