I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
