Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
