I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
