I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
