Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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