That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
