I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
