So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sarcasm needs its own font
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
