I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
