Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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