life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
