her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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