Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
