i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
