It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
