I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
