Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
