the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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