If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
