Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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