How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
