just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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