i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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