our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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