So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
