she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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