Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
