Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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