It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
