I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
