Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
