i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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