Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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