At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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