between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
