fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
