The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
