i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
