I wish I only lived at night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
