Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
