Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
