we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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