my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize