It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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