Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As shirtless as possible
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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