see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
