Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
