If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
