There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
