Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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