I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
