i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
