I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
