capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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