dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
