I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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