omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Your cock deserves a montage
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
