is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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