Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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