everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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