my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
