A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize