we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I party with great urgency now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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