I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
