Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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