i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
