Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
