Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
