How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
