Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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