I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
