Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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