I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize