dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
